Alright, I finally saw Eclipse. I say finally as if I should have seen it the second it came out, haha. Anyway. If you really loved the movie, you’re not going to love what I have to say. So, read if you feel like it.
I’m going to start off by saying that 1. I forget everything that happened in the book. I read it over a year ago and haven’t touched it since. 2. I wasn’t excited to see the movie at all. I’ve been feeling a bit overexposed within the Twilight world lately, so I just wasn’t ready and raring to go. No, I wasn’t determined to hate it. I was actually expecting to not be excited and then end up loving it, because twitter was going crazy with people screeching about how wonderful it was. I’m going to make this short, because the sooner I’m done with this movie, the better my life will be, haha! I might borrow points from my friends M & A, mostly because I agree with them. Girls, if I forget to credit what you said, just let me know!
The Good:
- Yes, it was better that Twilight and New Moon. That did not make it good.
- Billy Burke as Charlie was amazing. He does the whole awkward dad thing beautifully.
- Bryce Dallas Howard as Victoria. She was leaps and bounds better than Rachelle. I’m not convinced Rachelle could have been as natural as Bryce in this.
- Xavier Whatshisname as Riley. First, those lips. Secondly, those eyes. Thirdly, he can kind of act. Like.
- Remember how I wanted New Moon to just be all Michael Sheen? Now I want Eclipse to be all Bryce and Xavier.
- The line, “I’m hotter than you.” Well played, Rosenberg, well played.
- The opening sequence. I knew what it would be because I read spoilers, and that was the one part where I can honestly say I was in awe and not disappointed one bit. It was fabulous.
- Anna Kendrick. Girlfriend can do no wrong.
The Bad:
- Michael Sheen was not in this movie. Obviously, I’m convinced he could have saved it.
- Carlisle’s accent. Here today, gone tomorrow. What’s the deal?!
- Jasper’s accent. Hi Jackson, you’re Southern. All you had to do was talk. And you still sounded weird.
- The acting. Kristen Stewart is getting better, but she’s not quite there yet. I don’t find Rob or Taylor particularly “hot,” so when you take that out of the equation, they’re pretty boring as actors. I actually almost fell asleep at one point when it was all, “angstangstbadactingangst.” A little girl (that I didn’t know) next to me poked me and asked me why I didn’t want to see Edward proposing. It was kind of priceless.
- People told me I was going to love the Jasper/Rosalie backstories. I did not. They were kinda lame. People were going nuts over the leaked photos so I thought they were going to be amazing. They were fine. I just wasn’t as wowed as I thought I would be.
- The makeup. Pale does not equal cakey. (Thanks M!)
- It felt really unnecessarily long. But maybe that was just because I was bored about halfway through. Did it feel long to anyone else?
- Can we just talk about why Bella was wearing old work clothes to a graduation party where everyone else was wearing nice dresses? Alice freakin’ flipped out in New Moon and made her wear a dress to a party that 7 people attended, but for a party attended by about 100, she lets Bella wear whatever she wants? Just throwing that out there.
- That proposal. Even for the King and Queen of Teen Angst… it was a bit too much.
- 90% of the cast seriously needs acting lessons. I’d be a lot more entertained if I actually believed these people as the characters.
- The end. Alright, Bella chose Edward. But all I heard her talking about was their life together and how they were going to tell Charlie and when can he make her a vampire again? I’m sorry, I thought she was supposed to choose Edward for the person he is, not the lifestyle he has.
The Ugly:
- Rosalie. First, why do her eyebrows never match her hair? Second, why did they make her Evita? Dislike!
- The wigs. I’m pretty sure Bella was wearing Jacob’s wig from the first movie. And since when does Alice have soccer mom hair?
- The special effects, as per usual. Summit, you’re making BANK. Please give the special effects people some more money.
- Dakota Fanning. She’s actually a great actress and I really like her, but she totally phoned this one in. Wasn’t buying it for a second.
- The engagement ring. I was scrolling through Letters to Twilight (the bestest snarkiest site ever) and someone suggested that Edward spray painted an armadillo silver. What they said.
Okay, so that’s it. I know I have a lot of bullet points under the good section, but look back and see how many of those are minor things, and how many major things pop up elsewhere. I should have trusted my gut in not being excited to see the movie, instead of thinking that becuase everyone else loved it, I would too. I should have saved my money and just rented it later. Oh well! Coulda, woulda, shoulda.
My friend Amanda is pretty cool. Cool enough that when she says I need to read a book, she actually sends me said book. I got a book in the mail the other day…
That’s right. You are seeing this correctly. The Harvard Lampoon wrote an entire book parodying the Twilight franchise. There’s a “famous” line from Twilight that they have on the back cover of their book, and I’m definitely going to share it with you here, it’s just too hysterical not to.
About three things I was absolutely certain.
First, Edwart was most likely my soulmate, maybe.
Second, there was a vampire part of him – which I assumed was wildly out of his control – that wanted me dead.
And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me.
I hope you laughed as hard as I did while reading that. This book is freaking incredible. Now, it’s not great literature, by any means, but damn if it isn’t great for a laugh.
It was wonderful because it was raining less. It was terrible because Tom hit me with his car.
“I’m so sorry – I didn’t see you!” he said, driving away to find a parking space before the lot filled up. I picked myself up and smiled knowingly. Tom’s constant attempts to get my attention were flattering and sometimes surprising.
While writing this blog entry, I actually finished the book, go me! Anyway. If you’re a Twi-hard and like the book series as-is… don’t read this book. It’ll piss you off and get you all huffy that someone is parody-ing the glorious storytelling of Stephenie Meyer. (I hope you imagined me rolling my eyes as I typed that.) However, if you love to poke fun at the series and now almost none of it makes sense, this book will be your best friend. It only took me a few hours to read, because it’s just 154 pages, but it was so worth my time. I kept laughing out loud and rereading parts that were so ridiculous and hysterical.
Then, suddenly, I remembered the accident, and Edwart’s snow-proof body, and his eyes that changed from I-don’t-remember to green, and I knew. YES! VAMPIRE!
Yes, I enjoy Twilight, so don’t go jumping all over me for posting this. While I found it a slightly entertaining read, and enjoy the cute boys in the movies… I also know that the books flat out suck when it comes to writing style and plot. And 85 pages of how godlike Edward is. Just saying. I enjoy a good parody!
The bottom line? This book was so entertaining, and a much quicker (and better) read than Twilight. It even has an “homage” to New Moon, with pages of nothing. Except, it’s not quite months. You’ll have to read it and see, haha. Here, it’s on Amazon. And it’s cheap. Or maybe you can ask Amanda to borrow her copy as soon as I send it back. Now, onto reading the other book this lovely lady sent me!
I saw it. It was okay. I really wanted two hours of Michael Sheen. Seriously. He was brilliant, and there BETTER be extra scenes with him on the DVD. You hear that, Chris Weitz? More Aro please, for he is glorious. (I also want to rent everything Michael Sheen has ever been in now and just revel in his wonderfulness.)
Everything else was alright. It was okay for what it was. No masterpiece though, sorry dudes. As my friend UC’s husband said, “Remember Me is Pattinson’s one chance to not be a loser.” I quite agree. Except he was also not a loser in the HP series.
The best review I’ve read: Late in the film, a real actor, Michael Sheen (Frost/Nixon), shows up as the mind-reading Aro, of the Italian Volturi vampires, and sparks things up. You can almost hear the young cast thinking, “Is that acting? It looks hard.” (Rolling Stone)
That all being said, I will probably go batshit crazy for Eclipse. For ONE scene. Yes, I am weird. Stop judging.
I would say that I’m a Twilight fan. I read the books. Overall, I enjoyed them, though the writing was pretty atrocious. I saw the first movie on opening weekend. I swooned over Jackson. Hi, I’m only human. I stole Alice’s haircut… it’s adorable! Duh. My blog thingy is a quote from… well, one of the books. I only read them once. I forget. >.<
I’m NOT a Twi-hard. Those people scare me. I don’t spend full days of my life devoted to the series, and I think lining up for a movie five days before it opens is just a little ridiculous. (And by a little, I mean a lot.) Just putting that out there.
I didn’t see New Moon at midnight last night. I’m not seeing it tonight. (I’m waiting for the Twi-hards to come after me with tar and feathers, seriously.) It was my least favorite book, I wanted to throw it at the wall. Because I feel like that, I guess I’m just not too excited by the movie. Add that in with the fact that every facebook status and tweet right now is about said movie… and I have no desire. Blah. If you saw it at midnight, yay you! I am just so apathetic towards actually seeing it. Eventually. (M or E will probably get me to go.)
[Note: Eclipse was my favorite book of the series. I WILL be excited for that movie.]
Is there a full moon? Because my life has been more ridiculous than normal lately.
I work in a busy-ish office at a college right now. This is a temp job, but boy has it been fun thus far. I temped in this position once before, about a year and a half ago… and it wasn’t as entertaining as it is this time. If you know me in real life, you know that I get all sorts of weirdos calling me all day long.
Today, we had a Twilight fan call the office. I was talking to the ladies over at LTT and I agree with what they said… she is not a hardcore fan because she actually talked about it in public. Real fans keep their love inside.
How do I know she’s a Twilight fan? I’ll stop wasting time and just recount the phone conversation.
Sara: Good afternoon, ***, this is Sara.
Girl: Hi, I’m looking for ***’s email address so I can send him ***.
Sara: Sure! It’s ******e@***.edu.
Girl: E as in Edward? Like Edward Cullen?
Sara: Yup. E.
I then hung up the phone, burst into laughter and told LTT and Mary. I’m kinda still laughing now, to be honest.
